Our core values act as boundaries of the mental, emotional or physical constructs that we create to determine what we are willing to accept.
Many of us have strict, firm boundaries around our core values and this can cause us to feel resistance when we are faced with making a decision that goes against our core values.
As we are now in the dilemma of being judged by our values and this can lead to confusion, overwhelm and worry.
Following our core values is a great system to use to keep us aligned with our truth and what is important to us, however it can also be our downfall, if we can’t see the truth.
The truth is that at times we may need to surrender our judgement and be flexible with our core values so we can make a decision that is right for us.
In Mindfulness we understand there is an ebb and flow with life. Nothing stays the same, there is constant change, moment to moment, therefore if we become attached to or desire a certain outcome this can lead to suffering.
As human beings we need to be able to adapt and let go of fixed beliefs and expectations and sometimes allow for our core values to be challenged and stretched in order to expand and create space for other opportunities to come our way.
It’s often the fixed conditions we created around our values that are causing us to feel conflict with our reality.
“What would happen if we could let go of these fixed conditions?”
We would give ourselves permission to have freedom of choice.
So the next time we are faced with challenging our core values we can practice the following self check in by:
- First becoming the observer of the body and the mind
- Then tune into the body and be the witness to where the discomfort is sitting in the body. (Feel the sensations and even describe them.)
- Once connected to the body then move to connecting with the mind and seeing if there are any thoughts of judgment, rumination or negativity being produced
- Next notice what emotions are present. Is guilt, doubt, shame or worry with you. (Label the emotion)
- Lastly ask “Is this core value serving my happiness right in this moment?” and if it’s not then take a moment to consider “What would serve my happiness right in this moment?”
As we do this practice we might notice that there is tightness or vibrations within our body, there are disruptive thoughts and lots of strong emotions also present. If we can sit with all of this discomfort and accept that this is my “As-Is” right now and this is perfectly okay, we then will notice the ebb and flow of each sensation, thought and emotions; which leads to the realisation “This Too Shall Pass.”
If there is some resistance towards the decision we are making it can be because deep down our Shadow is coming from a place of fear and fear makes us second guess our choices and determines if they are good or bad. It is during times like this that it is best to listen to our heart as it has an intuitive way to communicate through our inner guidance system.
When we feel heavy in the heart it means we are going against our Inner Being, however if our heart feels expansive and light it represents a choice which is aligned to our Inner Being.
If we think of our decision like the water of a river flowing downstream, and the rocks as the judgements created by our core values, we notice that the water (our decision) moves around and over the fixed rocks (core values), the water is aware of them and learns how to continue to flow in spite of them. At times it’s important to realise that to move forward in life we might need to move around our core values to really get what we need.
So next time you make a decision that doesn’t align with your core values don’t allow shame or guilt to encroach on you as this new direction may lead to a path of greater insight and abundance.
Written by Present Mindfulness Academy